Before my accident I experienced a few sleepless nights. If I was going through particularly hard times or if I was very anxious, I’d be up in the middle of the night — wide-awake and pondering the meaning of life. This didn’t happen often though, and never became too annoying or unbearable.
But since my accident it all changed. In the hospital I’d wake up every two hours in excruciating pain and call the nurse. The nurse would come in to ask me what I needed. “Pain medication please,” I’d mumble still groggy. The nurse would come back with a syringe of Dilaudid or Morphine, shoot it up my IV and I’d fall asleep… for at least another two hours.
After I was released home, and IV medication wasn’t an option, they put me on Norco. I’m taking it every 4 hours to help with the pain and it is supposed to be quite safe with the pregnancy. I also take Benadryl at night for the itching.
My insomnia and my Norco intake are somewhat connected. I have no troubles falling asleep, but then I wake up in 4 hours intervals when my body feels Norco is needed. Many times after I wake up though, I can’t fall asleep. It takes Norco a while to digest within my system, so often I end up awake for at least two hours, counting sheep, playing with my iPhone, and listening to audio books.
But tonight my insomnia is worst than even, and unfortunately it’s my fault. Last night I took my Norco on time, one pill at 11 pm sharp. After the shower and the “lotion ritual” I was preparing my meds for the night. I took one Benadryl and left one for when I wake up at 3 am. I was about to grab an additional Norco for the same purpose, but I wasn’t paying attention. Instead of putting it on my nightstand I put it in my mouth. I pop one of these puppies every 4 hours, so I am on an autopilot most of the time when I deal with the pills. I haven’t realized this right away, but ten minutes later I started panicking. The doc clearly told me not to take two Norcos together. I was sure I’m not gonna overdose, but what about the baby?
My husband ended up calling the advice nurse in Kaiser, and after 30 minutes on the phone she told us it’s not a problem. “Just skip the next dose,” she said. We both were releaved, and a few minutes later I was sound asleep and my body happily numb… Until 2:45 am. Then I opened my eyes for the first time. Lifting myself up I looked at the alarm clock, realizing it’s way too early I managed to fall asleep.
Insomnia is a dirty player, and I know her tricks by now. There are those nights when she comes by and knocks on the window, she might stretch my heavy eyelids and look inside my skull, and then she leaves to find a better suited partner. But it wasn’t the case tonight.
I woke up again with a giddy feeling that I slept through the whole night without needing another Norco. I stretched, opened my eyes, realizing it’s still quite dark outside, and then looked at the alarm clock… 3:15 am was glowing red and clear on the digital display. Insomnia had her way with me again.
Immediately I felt wide awake and at the same time stuck. My husband quietly sleeping by my side, and the puppies are locked in their crates downstairs. It’s only Insomnia, and me, and the night. I propped myself up with the pillows, realizing that my legs are in pain and my skin feels like it has been carved with a razor. I’m trying to shift my mind, “take it easy,” I say to myself, “we have 4 hours till next Norco, better use the time wisely.” It’s dark, and I am trying to navigate through my nightstand which is covered with several body lotions and oils for my skin, facial products that I use at night, water, pretzels, pills, and other items I require either for my burns or for dealing with insomnia. I manage to grab my iPhone without making a mess and waking up my husband. I check my email accounts, all five of them. Nothing new there besides some spam. I update my twitter page, and check out my Facebook wall. Nothing interesting occurs in either of my regular virtual hangout places. I stick my headphones in my ears and finish Madness, by Marya Hornbacher, a great audiobook that has been saving me through insomnia in the last couple of weeks.
Although usually, while listening to Marya’s story I end-up dosing off after an hour or so, insomnia clearly has other plans for me for tonight… It’s 5 am and I am still wide awake. My husband wakes up for a second, realizing I’m up he says: “Babe, how long have you been up?” “Since 3 in the morning. Listen,” I continue, “sorry to bug you, but could you help me with my compression garments? I really need to pee.” Burn survivors get custom made compression garments they need to wear 23 hours a day. However because I am pregnant they couldn’t make anything special for me, so I am wearing thigh-high leggings with 20/30 compression. I can deal with those throughout the day, but I cannot sleep in it since it hurts too much.
Half awake my husband gets the garments. In the darkness we put it over my legs, half way up. It covers above my knees — just enough to go to the bathroom and back. I get off the bed, unable to stretch my knees fully, and with slightly crooked legs start going down the stairs. My husband, who is a bit more awake now, follows me down the stairs to make sure I don’t fall over. I get to the bathroom and pee. Mission accomplished! I slowly ascend back to the bedroom, while my husband fetching a fresh glass of water from the kitchen. Before he returns to bed I ask him for the laptop, knowing that insomnia isn’t planning to leave any time soon. He gives me the machine and immediately falls asleep. I turn it on and find myself writing this blog. I knew there is a good reason to take up blogging in the first place.
The alarm finally goes off. It’s 6:30 in the morning and my husband is waking up. The puppies also heard the alarm and they’re getting excited for the new day. I look away from the screen and realize that sometime in between the last three paragraphs insomnia, my nightly companion, has left without saying goodbye. I am not too upset though. In half an hour I’ll pop in a Norco, hoping to fall asleep for a couple of hours. Good night insomnia, my friend, I’m sure we’ll meet again soon.
Tags: audio books, blogging, burn survivor, insomnia, night, Norco
